Ron Stoppable: The Mutant Whisperer
by thoth-anubis
Summary: Kim learns that Ron just saved Japan.  A one-shot crossover of sorts set following "So the Drama," and "Roachie."


**Ron Stoppable: The Mutant Whisperer**

by Chris M.

**Spoilers :** A few for "Roachie," with mentions of events from "Sink or Swim," "Bonding," "Monkey Fist Strikes," "Overdue," "Return to Wannaweep," and many others, but mostly in passing and not in any great detail. Slightly revised after watching "Gorilla Fist" for continuity reasons.

**Summary :** Kim learns that Ron Stoppable just saved Japan. A one-shot crossover of sorts set following "So the Drama," and "Roachie."

**Disclaimers :** I don't own Disney's Kim Possible; if I did, the show wouldn't be ending. I don't own any other shows, characters, etc. mentioned in this work, though the specific disclaimer follows so as not to spoil the surprise - and since details from said other works are based almost entirely on my admittedly fallible memories of youth, it's doubtful they'll be very spoiled, anyway.

**Author's Note :** I watched "Roachie," and this one-shot pretty much sprang fully developed into my head - I'd intended to write it sooner, but other stories consumed my time. Enjoy, and R&R!

xxxXXXxxx

Wade looked up in surprise as one of his monitors hummed into life. "Kim? What up?"

"What's the sitch, Wade?" Kim asked, smiling into the computer inside her locker, and at the youth displayed inside.

Blinking in surprise, Wade just looked at her, still seeming somewhat distracted. "What sitch?"

"That's what I asked..." Kim began, then when Wade still looked confused, she continued, "Please tell me there's a sitch!" as her composure cracked.

Wade's look of confusion melted away as he realized, "You're bored, aren't you?"

Kim hung her head, letting her hair flip down to cover her eyes. "Completely."

"Sorry, Kim," Wade chuckled. "Nothing's up anywhere. Everything's quiet, for once."

"There must be something," Kim pleaded. "Cheerleading practice is over, my homework is done, and Ron was shanghaied by GJ's tube network again for more 'remedial studying' - I'd be jealous of the attention he's getting if he seemed to be enjoying it even a little but..." she trailed off, then continued, "If I can't find something to do I'll have to go home and deal with the tweebs! Please, I'll do anything; cat up a tree? Lost dog? Babysitting? How about that thing in Japan? I could take a shot at that... Got a gadget you want to test?"

"Nope," Wade leaned back in his chair and took a sip from the bendy straw of a take out Bueno Nacho cup. "And the thing in Japan? It's already been taken care of."

Torn between disappointment that her last hope for release from her boredom had been taken from her, and curiosity about how the situation had been resolved, Kim frowned.

"There's a press conference going on right now. I could patch you in, if you're interested?" Wade asked.

Smiling slightly, Kim nodded, "Please and thank you."

Wade pressed a button and his image was replaced with a feed from one of the 24-hour news networks, the stock ticker at the bottom and the "JNN" logo in the corner identifying it as such. Standing at an undecorated podium in front of a roomful of Japanese reporters, beside Dr. Director and a number of other people - most of whom Kim didn't recognize - was...

"**_RON?_**" Kim demanded. "Wade, what...?"

The image briefly shrunk into a small picture-in-picture square in the corner as a view of Wade's room replaced the news feed. The youth held one finger up to his lips to silence her. "Shh... just watch." The PIP grew to cover the screen again, and Kim impatiently waited for more information.

Ron was wearing his mission clothes - and although smeared with a strange, vile yellow fluid, he looked uninjured and upbeat, if a trifle overwhelmed by the attention. He began speaking, and almost immediately Kim demanded, "Wade? Since when does Ron speak Japanese?"

"If it's any consolation, he doesn't speak it very well," Wade smiled as he repeated the picture-in-picture trick. "Want me to run a translation routine for you?"

"Yes," she replied with a hint of irritation, then added, "thanks," in a much milder tone as her aggravation and startlement faded.

Mid-phrase, Ron's voice shifted from Japanese to English, the computer emulating Ron's voice nearly perfectly thanks to the volume of data Wade archived about the teen duo. "... was here in Japan briefly on an exchange program, and I've been here a few times as part of Team Possible."

A reporter asked, "Team Possible? I thought the sidekick's name was Don Stroppable?" Soon a chorus of voices came; "It's not Bon Stockable?" "Lon Strokable?" "Han Soloable?" "Jon Stopgable?"

Dr. Director leaned forward and after clearing her throat, said only, "Ron is indeed the other member of Team Possible."

"Plus, I invented the naco," Ron proudly proclaimed, crossing his arms across his chest in triumph.

Another reporter stood, and asked, "So how did you get involved in this matter?"

Ron blinked as the sudden flashing of a multitude of cameras momentarily dazzled him. "You'll have to ask Dr. Director from Global Justice and Mr. Shinoda from the UNGCC for the exact details, but from what I understand they were in a meeting together..."

Kim tried to remember what UNGCC was an acronym for, but drew a complete blank. Between government bodies, NGOs, military units, secret societies, research firms, villainous associations, and any number of private and public sector groups, she had been exposed to countless acronyms that were meant to "simplify" nomenclature. Making a mental note to look it up later, she shifted her attention back to the press conference.

"... and Dr. Director thought I might be able to help," Ron concluded.

"Why would she think you could help?" a reporter asked, not bothering to wait to be called on.

Shrugging, Ron explained, "You'll have to ask her, I guess, but since she knew me from working with KP - that's Kim Possible, by the way - I guess she figured I had some experience."

"Experience?" Despite the disapproving looks from his fellow members of the press corps, the reporter prompted Ron again. "You're in high school; what sort of experience could you possibly have had with dangerous mutants?"

_"Mutants?"_ Kim wondered.

Ron's eyes briefly unfocused as he collected his thoughts. "Well, there's Gill - with two 'l's'," he began, "then there's Shego - who may be a mutant; I guess I don't really know for sure but she's got green skin and glowing hands... anyway, there was also Professor Dementor's mutant chrysanthemums, Señor Senior Senior's mutant octopus, Doctor Drakken's cut-rate clones - I don't know if you could really consider them mutants or not, DNAmy and her twisted wannabe Cuddle Buddy creations, Monkey Fist, who had himself mutated so I guess it's not quite the same thing, and of course my little crunchy buddy Roachie... Not to mention the time I was mutated into a giant beaver."

There was a moment of stunned silence, before one of the reporters (and not the one who had spoken out of turn previously), "Giant... Beaver?"

"It was the evil of Camp Wannaweep... A place of evil, I tell you!" Ron bellowed, shaking one fist in the air as the other tightened around the microphone. "Place of Eeeeevil! You can change the name, but you can't change the evil!"

"Oh, Ron," Kim bemoaned, dropping her face into her hand briefly in disgust.

It took some time before the press conference seemed to resume, between Ron's disruptive gesticulating, and the press' confusion. When it finally did, a reporter asked, "Granted, it sounds like you've got a lot of experience with mutants, but you're still in high school; why come to you when there are many trained linguists in the world?"

"Oh. Well, that's another question for Dr. Director I guess, but like I said, she knows me. I've always been able to talk to Rufus here," Ron held up his pet naked mole rat, who proceeded to raise his hands above his head in triumph and chitter proudly as another wave of flash photography ensued, causing him to mug shamelessly for the crowd, "and then there was..." he paused and leaned over and began speaking to one of the people standing beside him, his voice pitched too low to be caught by the microphones.

Despite herself, Kim found herself fighting a surge of jealousy as Ron spoke to the attractive young Japanese woman who was looking much too attentively at him - and the hand she rested on his arm as they spoke in low tones was _entirely_ too familiar. "Wade? Is that Yori? What's she doing there?"

Wade used a split screen effect this time, compressing the image of the press conference to the side. "I can't tell; she isn't listed in the press release. I'd guess she's a translator. Like I said, he doesn't seem to speak Japanese very well."

"He seems to be getting awfully chummy with her," Kim growled.

"Jealous...?" Wade teased.

"So not," Kim scowled.

"Don't worry; I think it's cute," Wade smirked, then caused his image to vanish before she could respond. "I'm sure Ron will too, when he learns you were tweaked."

"I am so not tweaked! And I'll deal with _you_ later," she promised, waiting to see what Ron would say next, and especially to see if he had to talk to that... that... _brazen hussy_ any more.

"Sorry, had to get a translation from Yori," Ron resumed speaking, smiling briefly over his shoulder.

Kim's frown deepened, but she didn't call Wade back, even after Yori smiled back at Ron.

"Anyway, I also managed to communicate with one of Monkey Fist's monkey ninjas - Chippy's cool, for a monkey... But why did she have to be a monkey?" he bemoaned, before shaking himself out of his monkey-phobic flashback with an effort, "And another time, when we went into Professor Dementor's lair to recover..."

At this point, Dr. Director laid one hand over the microphone, cutting him off. "The name and nature of the object that Professor Dementor had stolen is classified."

"Right..." Ron intoned slowly, stretching the word. After a moment, he continued, "this _thing_ he had stolen," Dr. Director nodded in satisfaction, and Ron continued, "I learned that I could make the call of the mutant giant wiener dog... which wasn't exactly the bird call I was trying for, but it sort of saved the day, anyway."

A few chuckles greeted the sally, and he continued, "And then there's Roachie... He's a giant cockroach - la grande cucaracha - who was mutated by..." he fell silent as Dr. Director covered the microphone again, "Aaaanyway, I was going to keep him as a pet, so we played video games together, hung out together, and eventually I discovered I could talk to him, even though it's kind of hard to click my mandibles properly... You guys would love him - he's like a shiny puppy with a shell; he's a cool little guy. Plus he's got a great sense of humor - but terrible taste in food."

"I... see," the reporter commented, then continued, "So how did you get this strange and wondrous ability to talk to mutant... creatures?"

Ron shrugged, "Who knows? Could have been exposure to the evil that is Wannaweep, being inserted into the computer game Everlot thanks to an experimental immersion device, side effect of the mindswap machine, an overdose on five-alarm sauce, travelling through a dimensional vortex, being infused with Dr. Drakken's evil thanks to a Henchco Attitudinator - not to mention that Henchco power ring, being shot by a truth ray, being exposed to the Mystical Monkey Power, or even just a really funky batch of Duff's haggis... Could be anything; I don't even really control it, it just seems to work."

Another reporter, looking visibly boggled by the listing, asked, "But... you mentioned having to _learn_ to speak to these... creatures. How were you able to learn to speak to this one?"

Grimacing, Ron explained, "A lot of homework, basically. Dr. Director has had me going to Global Justice HQ after school every day for over a month. I listened to hours and hours of audio recordings, watched tons of battle footage - which isn't as much fun as it probably sounds; Steel Toe and Pain King have better dialogue. And on a side note, whoever programmed that robot needs to have his mouth washed out with soap. Made out of space titanium or not, that thing is just a total potty mouth, though I didn't realize it until later. It's no wonder those other guys didn't like it very much whenever that thing showed up."

The head of the UNGCC blushed slightly, but did not respond.

"Anyway," Ron continued, "after a few weeks, I'd seen so much footage and heard so many tapes, it reached the point that I was even _dreaming_ about those battles. Then last week, I was cheering for my school at the basketball match - I'm the mascot, the Middleton Mad Dog - and it just... seemed to click. All of a sudden, right in the middle of my routine, I realized I had started speaking kaiju."

Kim vaguely remembered the way Ron's routine had shifted last week. He had bellowed loud enough to shake the gymnasium before stomping up and down in front of the stands with a peculiar manner of walking that seemed to imply a huge weight and stature that was totally alien to his slight frame. At the time, she had thought it was just another tweak to his "Mad Dog" routine (a much better one than being unhousebroken - not that it would take much), but clearly it had been the breakthrough - or whatever - that GJ been looking for.

"Anyway, I guess Dr. Director here had someone watching me, because after that, as soon as there was a sighting, I was on my way back to Japan. They fitted me out with a loudspeaker, and I had my jetpack from Wade for Team Possible, and so I flew out to talk to him."

"What was the first thing he said to you?" one of the reporters asked.

"He said, 'You talk funny,'" Ron answered.

The reporter laughed. "And what did you say to that?"

Ron shrugged. "What would you say if someone that big said something like that to you? I said, 'Yes. Yes, you're absolutely right.'"

The crowd laughed in appreciation of the joke.

"I asked Big G what was up, and why he was here, and all that," Ron continued, "and we started talking. He said something about me reminding him of somebody named Minya, and he kept getting this look on his face sort of like the one Mr. Barkin sometimes gets when... Never mind about that. Anyway, it turns out that Professor Dementor had been on Monster Island, and was trying to..."

Dr. Director cleared her throat, and Ron broke off speaking. He leaned over, and they had a short whispered conversation, then he turned back to the microphone. "_Anyway,_" he resumed, "Long story short, I pulled this..." he glanced over at Dr. Director briefly before continuing, "_thingy_ out of his ear which had been hurting him, and that Professor Dementor had stuck in there while he was asleep... Apparently it was intended to control him - some mind control thing like Doctor Bor..." he fell silent as he glanced at Dr. Director, who half smiled as he edited out what he was going to say about the Moodulator and the Mind Control chips without her prompting, "but it just made him mad, and it was buried too deep in his ear to get it out on his own - big claw, small ear."

"Ewww..." Kim shuddered, realizing the source of the stains on Ron's clothes, but didn't let herself get distracted as he continued.

"Since I didn't have a silicon phase disrupter handy, and it would have taken too long to fly home to get the one Kim's brothers made, I had to just climb in and pull the thing out - and let me tell you, it was pretty grody in there. That's about all there was to it, really; Dr. Director and GJ captured Dementor, and Big G promised not to come back to Tokyo so long as we leave him alone - and so long as I promised not to sing... he said something freaky about little singing people, but I didn't really understand what he meant."

A spontaneous round of applause erupted from the press, and Kim felt a surge of pride in Ron. _"I can't believe he never told me what he was up to at GJ..."_

On the screen, Dr. Director and a greying Japanese man had replaced Ron at the podium. The image shrank, but instead of Wade interrupting, it was an anchor from the network. A picture of Ron appeared in the air over his left shoulder - the hideous one that made him look like a mutant himself that Channel 8 always used - as the anchor's name was overlaid across his chest. "And there you have it, Don Stockable, sidekick to teen hero Kim Possible, has saved Japan from Godzilla; this is Nick Adams, reporting for JNN. We'll keep you apprised as more information comes in..."

Kim scowled. "His name's _Ron_," she corrected, "and I'm going to make sure you and everyone else knows it from now on."

_"My brave hero; I am **so** going to kiss him when he gets back,"_ she promised herself. _"But he'd better not have anything **else** to tell me about **Yori**..."_

**

The End

**

**Disclaimers Mark 2 :** Toho owns Godzilla and all his friends. Try rereading this, now that you know the crossover element and see how many references and allusions you can find... (or for that matter, the KP episode references); I probably could have added more, but since it's a one shot and based on old memories of the Godzilla movies... :P


End file.
